In a real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day.

It's is really hot tonight- like 90 degrees in my apartment hot- I'm not sure how this happened, though I had a feeling this may be the outcome as I walked to class today under a brutal sun. Correct me if I'm wrong, but today was the last day of September... right?

Oh yeah, I'm not in the north east anymore- the strangest thing is that this may not be just a fluke hot fall day- Apparently I'm trapped in a desert climate, and I can expect more of this. Gross!

On the other side of things- the third and final weekend of shooting went brilliantly, the crew and actors were confident and just about flawless in the execution. Again, I think writing a script that involves only two characters and one room was the way to go for this film project. We are now in post production, but within three weeks the film will be finished. It's on to the second project- this one I will be director of photography for, so an nice change of pace.

I saw CHOKE this weekend, and part of being in L.A. means you can go see a movie and happen to get tickets to a showing where the director will show up and talk about the film afterwards. Such was the case with Choke. I enjoyed the fast paced cliff notes style film version of my favorite Palahniuk novel as I was watching it, but here, two days removed, I feel the film only gives one a taste of what the book accomplished. This is so often the case, but this film strives because Sam Rockwell made a perfect Victor. I wish the film itself had a larger production value and was a bit more faithful, but the humor was in the film, just not the grander scale satire that powers the novel. But the director, who is also a character actor in many films, was on hand, so I had to applaud... right?

Friday, I get a chance to see an early screening of Synechoche New York, with a special Q and A with writer/director Charlie Kaufman- I'm thrilled for this one- as I'm sure you would be too!

In the mail I received the shirt portion of my halloween costume- I won't disclose exactly what I'm being but know that the hammer doesn't represent my fists and I hate the homeless... ness problem that plagues our city!

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of the night we started making and decorations for THE GREATEST HALLOWEEN party anyone will ever throw, at least I will ever throw- there's no way this year's Halloween will even come close- but damn it, I'll stay up all night in the pumpkin patch if I have to!

More to come later this week!

I was crawling around in my head in the haze of a trance.

Well, well, well...


Since most my time and now my dreams have been consumed by the film I'm making there hasn't been too much to report.


However, as I was returning some unused costume effects to Hot Topic - I was compelled to buy this t-shirt (please note the mirror-effect on the words)


If you catch the reference on this shirt, then I think you are Cosmically Awesome!
Me and the friendly Hot Topic clerks gushed over how wonderful of a shirt it is.

Ah, bonding.


Anyway, I've been missing reading, I haven't read a novel since I was back East over a month ago, so I'm trying to find some free moments to do that- I feel illiterate as all I'm reading are my own scripts and graphic novels. (So to save myself, I've been slowly rereading James Joyce's short story "The Dead" I've read it before, kind of a short story masterpiece so I'd say it's a pretty good read. Makes me wish it was winter and I was in Dublin.

I've also started twittering. It helps for my constant need to let the internet know what I'm doing and thinking and my also chronic text messaging. Ah the cures of the modern age.

Enough of that- day two of shooting was long but felt great- Tuesday we'll see how it really turned out, but for now, some on set pics to give you an idea of what the day was like:














Day 2 of shooting was LONG but HOPEFULLY it all will come out BRILLIANTLY!

Avoid the Ulcer

What a week- and it's only Friday- Just remind myself that this is all fun- right?

It's amazing how day-by-day how my perspective of things changes. If feels like I went from feeling confident and having a grand old time, to being overly critical and destructive to myself for my perspective of what I'm doing.

Perspective.

This isn't medical school, lives aren't in the balance.

But it's what I'm doing. What I'm pushing myself through.

Balance.

It's only a few days/ weeks/ of pushing myself at all cylinders. Really, within 3 months, it will be the holidays, I'll be visiting home and completely restful- reflecting on the work I did and the experience of these few months. Then I will feel the opposite.

The problem is when you have a hole and cover it with sticks and leaves, it doesn't take much to fall through it.

Of course once you're out of the hole, it's so easy to forget what it felt like being trapped on the bottom- even if was only 12 hours prior.

I think I'm just looking for suggestions - answers to how do I push myself to my limits with out the fall out that comes with it?

I'm looking to you, oh faithful reader!


Enough complaining/ ranting/ begging-

Here are some of the highlights of this week:

1) Metallica - I never, never thought I'd be happy about a new Metallica album, at least not in the last 13 years! But damn, it rocks and rocks hard. It's a throw back to their classic style of the late 80's and it's just perfect for me right now. There's a track that just over 9 minutes (no vocals, all instrumental thrashing) that can cover my drive to school from my apartment. Who knew? Also, the 3 song EP from Straylight Run was released on itunes- they always bring me back to a time and place, these songs do the same, even without Michelle in the band anymore!


2) Pumpkin Spiced Lattes and Pumpkin Scones from Starbucks. Obviously the key with this gift from the 'bucks is to not consume them everyday- So far, one Latte a week, and 2 scones since Sunday.



3)Writer's block demolished- I met with my writing Prof. He suggested to break through my writing woes to not write the one 15 page script for the week, but two. I was very happy with my results, though am annoyed with myself that it takes double the work and double pressure to get me through.


Those are three solid highlights - though I don't think the first two count. Oh well.

This weekend I have two days of shooting (Sunday being the big one) A lot of assignments due before Wednesday, so it's going to be busy. But as long as I get through with out developing an Ulcer, I'll add that to the list of highlights next week.

The Shoot (Day 1)

SO, I guess the fun of shooting a film on actual film is exhilarating, because if shot properly, it looks, well, like a real film. You can do a lot with digital, and those high end HD cameras, but there will always be something classic, something electric, something romantic, about the images being developed by chemicals after spooling through a motor and shutter.

We have to wait and see how it came out, but from the directors (I'd say chair, but I stood the whole time) it looked like everything I had imagined so many months ago when I sat down and wrote the script.

Here are some stills from the day, just to give you a taste- Does it look like a film I'd make or what?

Agony and Irony- is a pretty good listen.

I just wanted to make sure you realize how silly it is that I'm spending more time and money decorating my film set classroom, then I ever did for any of my actual classrooms. And that's what I'm doing all day tomorrow too, -I'm pretty excited about my Art Design, most of it is just references to things only I would know- is it wrong to be only making a movie for myself?

Speaking of making stuff- I've kind of fallen into a bit of writer's block (only it's not like I'm stuck in the midst of a story- It's more like the starter pistol has been shot and I'm stuck at the starting line) If anyone has any suggestions of what I should write a short film about, please don't hesitate to be my muse.

Here It Is Again Yet It Stings Like The First Time

On the subject of the never ending cycles of our lives the triumphant September tradition of the new EA NHL game is upon us.

Observe:



I know it's not THAT much different than last years, but I usually only have a six 9 month attention span on these game. I don't even play them competitively (like online or with other real people). The mindless imaginative hockey world it puts me in for 20 mins a game has become a institution in relaxation for myself. Which is kind of miraculous because I rarely can "truly" relax doing anything. So, even though I have no time to really play the damn game, I grabbed a few other games, went to the store before class, did a trade-in and behold, another year of NHL 09.
It's kind of like if children of late 60's kept buying new versions of that crappy electric football game, where the pieces move around an electrified board bumping into each other, every year, because the players names were different on the back of the little players' jerseys. Keep in mind, I bought my first EA NHL game back in 92 for the Sega Genesis. That's right, if the end doesn't come in 2012, I could be celebrating twenty years of playing video game hockey. Professionals don't even have careers that long- oh and the games never get locked out or go on strike.

I went to the gym early today, as I have a long day ahead of me at school, and it gave me the time to watch the CNN while running, and was reminded of what the date is. Here we are seven years removed from this frozen marker in our history. I know I'm the one who is going to reflect back to that point, and see where I was and who was with me in that time- but it feels selfish. I've always felt empathy towards those who lost people, but now, looking back at seven years (they say every seven years we are a different person) I think about the victims even more, like how their lives have moved on, evolved and how this date, will forever be a marker of what life was before and after. This is a truth for those individuals who lost so much that day, but it's also a metaphor for our country. The before and after. It's the human experience to suffer loss, it's in our contract to feel happiness and transcendent joy, that we are vulnerable to suffering great tragedy. People who have lost suddenly and tragically have these date markers, this one just hangs over the collective.

September has the been the marker of new beginnings for most of my life (as I feel like I've been involved in schools FOREVER, and September is the recognized start to school). Now I can go down the line, I was at Hofstra, I was working at The Sports Authority, I was at Stony Brook and working at Borders, I was just at Phil's wedding while desperately seeking a teaching job, I was teaching for my second year, I was disastrously unemployed, and now I'm in Los Angeles at film school. (All enjoying John Harvard's Pumpkin Spice Ale except for this year!)
I mean, this is pretty all over the place- but mostly, except for the loss of my grandpa, a few friends I lost touch with, I've stayed mostly the same. I mean, I still bought the new NHL game...

But for those people, who's lives a marked with personal tragedy, I can only imagine and hope they've evolved and have found solace.

the 59 Sound

Thank you The Gaslight Anthem for existing - seriously, their first album is the best thing I heard last year, their E.P. that came out in February had only four songs, but every time I hear one, it's like the first time again. They have the perfect formula they mix the nostalgia and blue collar honesty of Bruce Springsteen, but it's pop punk. So pretty much the perfect band.



Every time I feel this way about a young, raw, unfiltered band - I wonder if this is the last band that will give me those music chills of deep music and spiritual satisfaction... But really, there's got to be a point when you get too old and everything the kids are listening to sounds like noise or some cliche crap like that...I hope not, but if The Gaslight Anthem is the end of the line it will be a good way to go out.

Other than that I've been listening to If by Mindless Self Indulgence for some manic wacky hard rock, The Academy Is... for the guilty pleasure pop punk factor and the new Conor Oberst, which for some reason, I like way more than his last Bright Eyes album.

I realize music isn't the dominate life style it once was... well, it's still always there, I'm just not surrounded by people who's world is rooted in the songs they love. But I'm still listening, still searching for that next song. I even had the MTV video awards on in the background last night, which was depressing. I usually feel sick after watching mtv award shows, but that had to be the most boring one ever- aside from maybe the opening monologue there was no spark, no sense of MTV madness that was once expected from those shows- granted this was a decade ago. It looked like there was maybe 100 people in the audience, and why when Linkin Park won their award for best rock video did only two people go up on stage... aren't there like seven guys in that band?

Ah well, in other news I finished casting tonight and again am exhausted, but am looking forward to this weekend when production finally starts. I wrote this script in April, I've never written something I made this far in advanced, it will be fun to see what comes out of it.

I still don't like Sarah Palin.

I want to see Obama start stepping up again.

And I want to see Burn After Reading this weekend, if there's time...

Oh, and the NHL starts up in just one month!

Enough of this, back to my 59 Sound!

Chronically Disastified

Auditions, art design, camera tests, rewrites- we march towards next weekend- the first weekend of production on my short for this semester! And for the most part, I'm more or less intrigued how I've gone from teaching in my own classroom, to trying to recreate a classroom for my film. I think I may be ready for some new source materials- please send your suggestions.

Since for the most part, September is a wash as far as non-school adventures I'm looking fowared to a few dates in October. Around Columbus Day, I have a free weekend - my goal is to go Disneyland where they redecorate it for Halloween- most notably, the Nightmare Before Christmas -ify the Haunted Mansion. This sounds delightful, and may be my only holiday substitute for John Harvard's Pumpkin Spice Ale... oh how I miss thee.




After the test shoot, I came home to see some asshole had parked in my parking spot, I was livid with thoughts of smashing into their car with mine, leaving a note that would passive aggressively state for the driver to not park in other people's spot, and calling a tow truck, I decided to avoid the entire issue by going directly to the Landmark theater where I knew Vicky, Christina, Barcelona was playing in 45 minutes. There was also a Hot Topic at the mall connected to the theatre, so I could pick up some costume props for my film... I noticed I was 25 years younger than anyone at the theatre, which I'm used to for Woody Allen films... I remember in senior year of high school I dragged Eric to see "Deconstructing Harry" and then a week later, our English teacher, Mr. Brush (Heir Brush for irony, as he was quite bald) brought up the film, but prefaced it as a movie none of us would want to see. Somethings never change. I loved this film- not only the humor, which was dry, circumstantial and overtly witty, I also loved the philosophical stance it took on our ideas of love. Like any great Allen film, there's a sense of over-analysis and crisis with every opinion uttered by the characters. I laughed loudly, and again, was reminded of that feeling I get when I see one of Allen's films. They just seem to bring to a different mind set, an open point-of-view to see the beauty of the world, in a more tongue-in-cheek neurosis than I could do on my own.




Though, I've already encountered people who found the film to be pointless (which it's not, if anything it's dead on at human truth, which often feels pointless) I still stand by it as easily the freshest film Woody Allen has made since... Deconstructing Harry? (I would say Match Point, but after finally seeing Crimes and Misdemenors, I realized he kind of just remade one of the plots of that brilliant film.

Anyway, a new week is upon us, The Mets have actually won in the midst of me writing this post- so they are now back at 2 games up over the Phillies. I have tons to get done this week for classes, but am preferring the idea of checking out some of the food I purchased at Trader Joe's this afternoon.

No matter how many degrees I go for, procrastination is still the key to my success.
Actually, I realize I have little memory of the work I stressed over in the past, so really, this all moot, eventually it won't matter anyway!

That's the spirit.

And I thought I'd have tons of free time

So in my “final” (ha hahahahahaah ha) splurge before I put my frivolous spending habits on lock down for the new semester, I picked up some mindless t.v. shows (How I Met Your Mother) which I was introduced to do and found addicting like… some sort of crack-cocain type of candy… skittles (but not the yellow or green ones). I also finally bought Freaks and Geeks – which I have been meaning to watch for a few years now. Why did I wait so long to watch his show- it’s just about everything I ever wanted in a smart teen drama set in 1980. Those were the days.

I figure this is around the time my fictional older brother, Alex, the metal head was in middle school, but still, it’s nice to see that time period presented in such a perfect little show.

So week one of classes has been a tidal wave of information and tasks. This is a good thing, it feels like the program takes it up to all new notches this semester, making it feel like more than just film school- it’s like film life. So this should be good for me. Lots to work on, lots of writing to get done, and not a lot of time to fall into existential crisis. Hopefully, I can save all those for Christmas Break.

But my transition week falls in the shadow of a very optimistic Democratic National Convention. I found myself actually trying to get home to catch some impressive speeches by Hil-Dog, Michelle Obama, and using dvr and you tube to it’s fullest to catch the ones I missed.

I had Josh come over with his beer to watch Obama’s speech late Thursday night. This not being a place for political blogging, unless I freak out on November 4th –which is possible, I have to say that the wounds of four years ago are gone and I am once again excited and hopeful, and will be for at least the next two months or so. I just feel like it’s so easy to become jaded with our politics and easy to take on a nihilistic attitude to our nation’s future, but I have felt for a long time that Obama (though not clear yet what he’ll bring) represents the greatest opportunity for a positive change for us, that it seems impossible not to be excited. Of course, I thought there were impossibilities in past elections as well, but we’re here, and Al Gore is off being an environmental super hero like Toxie, the Toxic Avenger.

OF course the Republican’s have done a wonderful job of creating a quite a circus around their v.p. (and I think it was pretty sneaky of Palin to call her self a “hockey-mom” – to her dismay I am not duped into voting for her ticket just because she mentioned hockey.

I had a good weekend, but actually feel like it’s time for September. I have to prepare for the lack of fall weather this year- it’s been a constant reminder that cool hoodie wearin’ nights, and pumpkin ale, and going back to school (student-wise and teaching-wise) means we are into Fall. So I am ready to work on my film, my writing, I have a new (old but free!) futon to help make my apartment feel more lively, and plenty of show on the CW to not watch. I miss Veronica Mars, now more than ever.